In just two weeks! And he was doing so well, I thought he for sure he was going to be a poster child for this vaccine. So we took chest x rays to make sure the cancer hasn't spread yet and then they didn't give him the last vaccine. Now we have to decide if we do surgery to cut the new cancer out which would only buy us maybe a couple weeks more, or do we just let things take their course.
Paul and I are adamant that we want Toby to have as much quality of life as possible and enjoy every minute, so right now we are leaning toward not getting the surgery. Because of where the cancer is, they can't cut it all out and it would just come right back and then he would have had surgery and pain and stress and be at the same place we are at now. I would rather that he have happy weeks left with us with less visits to the vet for him. He gets so stressed out every time we go.
But another part of me wants to shout, WAIT!!! no!! this can't be happening. I will do anything to keep him longer!! I feel like if I could do a deal with someone, anyone, please give us more time. I want more time!! But as my friend Carmi said, it will NEVER be enough time. If I get another year, I will need another year after that, I would take eternity if I could. That would be wonderful. But that's not how it works.
Right now we know where this road is leading, but we don't know how long the road is. We could have weeks. We could have 2-3 months. But we DO have tonight and we have tomorrow and next week so right now I am concentrating on that.
It is so hard for me to live in the present, I always live in the future, but this will be a life lesson for me, because I am going to try to be present every minute for Toby so I can enjoy every last second I have with him.
Everyday is precious!
