Well, that last statement may not actually be true. It may be, but then again, it may not. Huh?
I am a goal gal. My husband needs deadlines. And, so, when we began this venture, we set ourselves a goal, "to be in Vienna" with a deadline, "in December 2010." About a week ago, it hit me ~ we're half way through the planning phase, but I don't feel half-way planned.
I started to have a little internal panic session, mostly centered on the issue of money. I haven't saved anything for the move. We haven't implemented any of our cost-saving ideas (moving, re-budgeting, downsizing and selling belongings, etc.), and at this point, by the time we actually do these things, we'll only have 3or 4 months to stash anything away for the future before we're supposed to actually be in our future. Not so much...not enough...for my liking.
I started doing that internal spinning thing, feeling like I needed to say something to my husband, but afraid that I'd be a wet blanket, feeling guilty about being lazy about things and not pushing our agenda, beginning to wonder if that meant I really don't want to go. Oh, this little head of my mine can go all sorts of places when left to its own devices for too long!
Before I could even broach the subject, though, he did so for me. Coming from a different angle, my husband started talking about being flexible in our timing.
See, he's starting a new business, a business that he'll be able to run from wherever once its gotten to a certain point but that he needs to be here for while things are in the beginning phases. He's been working on this project night and day for weeks (months?) now and this is why I haven't pushed the things on our To Do List that require two of us much. The work project is a priority at the moment, a big part of our future.
He's beginning to get bits of success, things are beginning to happen. And to make it really happen, we need to be flexible. Or, this is what he asked ~ can we be a little flexible with our departure date? If it takes 9 months instead of 6 to be at the right phase in the business to move, would I be okay with that? What about if it is a year from now, rather than a year from when we first started talking the Vienna talk?
Ah, the world works in funny ways sometimes. Would I be okay with that? I wanted to give him a big, fat hug. I probably would have, but I think we were in the car and one of us was actually driving at the moment, so it would have been difficult. Yes, I'm okay with that!
This does not, by any means, I assure you, mean that I don't WANT to be there in 6 months. Heck, I'd like to be there now. But the openness is helping me breathe a little easier about the whole thing and when I breathe easier, I get more done. So, I actually feel like the open-ended, non-time-specific goal is going to work by my/our advantage.
Mind you, I rule nothing out. I'm continuing to keep my eyes and ears open for a job in Vienna for which I can actually apply and trying to be creative in my job searching (nothing so far, but I will stay diligent). If there arises an opportunity for me to get over there on a work visa, you can be sure I'll take advantage of that and we'll make something work.
Open-ended does not equal delay. Open-ended is simply flexibility. And flexibility can be a good thing. I know it's the right thing, because I haven't needed to sit and convince myself that it is good, that it is right, that it doesn't mean something I don't want it to mean (that we'll never get to Vienna). It simply is.
